Switches are much rarer in the BDSM and D/s scene than either Doms or subs. Switches can assume either role, and while some have a preference or pattern, others consider themselves fluidly able to swing between roles. While some kinksters feel that switches are like bisexuals, in the sense that there’s a greater chance that one person won’t be enough for them, many switches have stable relationships. Switches might have the most in common with other switches, but a capable Dom should be able to keep one satisfied with a few simple tricks.
Set the Roles Before a Scene
Before you begin a scene with your switch, make sure that she’s committed to her role. Resistance can be a crucial part of a scene, but it should not be genuine. Putting a sub in her place is completely different from a power struggle with an unwilling partner. For the scene to work, your switch must commit to being a sub for the duration of the scene. If she is unwilling to do that, the scene should not be performed.
Give Her Power Outside the Bedroom
If you know that it’s totally beyond you to ever be submissive, even temporarily, you will not be a good partner for a switch. However, not every submission needs to be in the bedroom. You might always need to top, but be capable of letting your partner feel in control in other ways. All D/s relationships can be different inside and outside of the bedroom, so try giving your switch a bit more control outside of play scenes.
Telling your switch that she has total control over where you go to dinner and what movie you see is a great way to acknowledge that she’s not entirely a sub. Treating her with the respect one would give another Dom when you’re not engaged in sex makes her feel like you understand her.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with stretching your own boundaries. Let her pull your hair the next time you go down on her. Let her call you a few names to see if you like it. Keeping these scenes short will give you a taste of what it’s like to be submissive, and you can decide for yourself whether or not that’s the kind of thing that interests you. You might be a bit of a switch yourself if you give it a try.
Remember that just because your woman can be a Dom or a sub doesn’t mean that she has to be both. She might be perfectly happy being your baby girl forever, just like a bisexual might fall in love with a man and live happily ever after. Be as sensitive to your switch’s needs as you would be to a sub’s, and you’ll know what to do to make her happy.