After you’ve been topping for a while, you might find that you want to expand your horizons and try it yourself. The first thing to understand is the difference between topping/bottoming, and Dominants/submissives. Topping means you’re the top – you’re the one administering the kink and who controls the action – the bottom is the receiver. If you’re acting out a basic bondage kink, where a woman is restrained and you’re giving her a caning, for example, you’re topping and she’s bottoming. Doms and subs have a different type of relationship, and sometimes, it can even extend into everyday life. Some women declare themselves a Dom’s full-time slave, and even go so far as to act it out in public. This doesn’t involve sexual acts, but means that a Dom/sub relationship has rules and boundaries that both people enjoy. The sub isn’t allowed to do certain things without the Dom’s permission is one possible boundary. It’s completely consensual and a personal lifestyle choice, and often couples are married or life partners.
On the other hand, you might have a sub that enjoys being dominated only in a BDSM setting, acting as a pet or a slave and “belonging” to a particular Dom. It all depends on the individual person. It can’t hurt to give it a try to see if you like it.
Using a Professional
There are Mistresses that cater specifically to men who want to pay for their services. Number one fact to understand here: professional Mistresses are not prostitutes. They don’t offer sexual services, only kink or fetish ones. If you’re interested in just trying domination to see if you enjoy it, it might be worth dishing out the money to go under the stiletto heel of a professional. Mistresses know what they’re doing, and they’ve probably dealt with men like you frequently. An appointment with a Mistress should be preceded by an interview and screening process, where she vets you, and you discuss your desires and kinks. You’ll work out what kind of scene you want to do, and she’ll tell you what to do. Feel free to be open about kinks you might even consider bizarre – that’s what she’s there for, and trust us, she’s probably heard it all.
Understanding Your Own Limits
If you give subbing a try and you enjoy it, respect your own hard limits. If being called a derogatory slur like a “pussy” makes your stomach turn, part of BDSM is not trying to “get over it.” If you don’t enjoy a particular element of Domination, don’t try to coerce yourself into it, even if it seems to be common amongst other men. For example, a popular kink for men who enjoy being dominated is for a woman to step on them. If feet really gross you out and you’re not into it, tell your Mistress that. Be up front, and don’t be embarrassed to set hard limits. The entire point of participating in BDSM scenes and exploring kinks is enjoyment, so you shouldn’t be feeling like you have to overcome things you don’t enjoy. You might even find that domination isn’t for you, which is also fine.