If you enjoy domination, you may have found your kinkster niche. Though, note the difference between subs and bottoms. If you’re referring to the more specific terminology of Doms and subs, this is the different than simply topping or bottoming. If you’re looking for a sub that means you’re seeking someone you have an ongoing, psychological and complex relationship with. It doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship outside the dungeon, but it’s definitely more involved and long-term than one night of topping a woman who enjoys having candle wax dripped onto her.
Finding the perfect sub is, first and foremost, finding a woman who truly enjoys subbing. Sometimes, younger women that are new to the scene are coerced into subbing by male Doms who intentionally take advantage of their inexperience. This is now how you want to operate, because things are going to get messy. Here are a few tips on how you can find a sub to your Dom, and have both of you truly enjoy it.
Beware Age Differences
One indicator that a woman who’s subbing may not be who you’re looking for is if she’s particularly young. We don’t want to infer that all young women are naive and don’t know what they want, but at the same time, if someone seems unsure about their choice to wear that bondage collar you gave them with a tag that says “bitch” because they told you they enjoy being used and humiliated, it might be time to re-think your choice. Don’t be unkind about it, and vet your potential subs before you agree to be their Master. The entire point is that you both enjoy your time together, and are seeking certain respective roles. A much younger woman can often start out thinking that subbing is all she’s interested in, and then realize later that she was duped into that role within the BDSM community. Don’t take advantage if someone is young and naive.
Psychology Behind Doms and subs
We could write a thesis about why people get off on being a Dominant or a submissive, but part of the idea is the release of control. When you’re a sub, you’re completely at the mercy and direction of your Master, and your only purpose is to serve Sir or Madam and please them. There is a lot of care and tenderness in Dom/sub relationships, and a very complex dynamic. There can also be punishment and discipline, which is another inherent aspect of the relationship.
Kinks Within a Dom/sub Relationship
There is a vast variety of kinks that can be worked into a Dom/sub relationship, ranging from a woman who’s subbing that enjoys spanking, to a Daddy kink. Doms might present gifts of ownership to their subs, such as collars, which are actually tokens of affection since it infers that the Dom owns the sub. There are different types of play that can fit into subbing, such as being used as furniture, or being a kitty girl or boy who’s treated like a pet. If you want to find the perfect sub, look for a woman whose kinks match up with your own, and enjoys taking on that role in the relationship.