Setting a hard line with your Mistress can be difficult. Your natural urge is to please her and commit yourself to her service. Despite your willingness, some things are beyond what you are comfortable with. These boundaries need to be established and respected for your enjoyment and safety as well as hers. Prepare your nerves and follow this advice to establish your guidelines with your Mistress.
When to Negotiate
Don’t try to set up the rules immediately before a scene, or negotiate for the next scene immediately after completing one. Before a scene, you’re getting into the mindset required, and it can be hard to go against your Mistress’s will. After a scene should be devoted to aftercare, and whatever you need to feel safe and secure. Try to negotiate a scene well in advance. Negotiating in the morning when you intend to play the scene that evening should give you enough time to consider what was said and make any tweaks before you begin to play, while still giving you enough removal from the scene to stand your ground.
Before you can consider having a difficult talk, evaluate your relationship. You and she both need to be calm and be happy. Trying to lay down some comfort and safety rules while you are fighting is uncomfortable and can lead to these rules being misinterpreted or forgotten. Anger blocks out reason, so wait until neither of you is angry to begin.
Say What You Mean and Stick to It
Don’t give in to the urge to qualify or make excuses. Be direct, so that your Mistress really understands that this is a hard boundary. You don’t want this type or level of play, and you do not consent to it. Try to use specific words when possible: if you know that you can’t stand cold play, tell her that. If you have experimented with a certain type of play that is no longer acceptable, your Dom might think that she has done something wrong. Assure her that you’re not blaming her, but you’ve discovered that you do not like this type of play.
If your Mistress does or asks you to do something that violates your hard boundaries, immediately say your safe word. Stop the scene, explain that this action or order was over the line, and then resume on a different course. If your Mistress repeatedly violates your hard boundaries, you will have to stop the scene permanently. As frustrating as that is for both you and your Dom, it’s worth it to get across that these boundaries are important.
If your Mistress is a repeated violator of your hard boundaries, then she is not properly respecting you or the play dynamic. No matter how much you might enjoy her, think of your own health and well being. You cannot risk yourself over someone who doesn’t listen when you tell them what you can’t handle or don’t want to do. She might be attractive, commanding, and experienced, but the question comes down to whether or not she’s the right Domme for you.