One of the most important things in the BDSM scene is communication, and understanding limits and boundaries. While a woman you meet may be interested in being verbally abused, there are very likely particular words that will trigger her negatively. For example, some women enjoy being called a “bad girl” or “slut,” while others would find verbal humiliation play to be referred to as “worthless” or “trash.” The reasoning here is that the first set of words carry a distinct, gendered connotation, while the second are more general terms to devalue someone. Our point is that you have to understand boundaries, and particular trigger points that your partner is not going to enjoy, and will end up in a mess for both of you. The same goes for you. One of us here has an issue with having the size of his manhood insulted – it’s just a thing. He routinely communicates this with the women he plays in the BDSM scene with, so when they’re talking back to him, they don’t reference that during a scene. Everyone has buttons they don’t want pushed. Regardless of what the kink happens to be, never assume you understand what a woman wants until you talk to her about it.
Genderized language is a common boundary for women. In other words, although some women may be completely at ease with their gender and sex, they don’t want to be called sluts or whores. While some people get off on this, others revile it. Maybe they have had bad experiences in their real lives with those words, and instead of evoking a feeling of euphoria in a controlled, kinky setting, it dredges up negative associations. Be aware of words that insinuate gendered roles.
A nonverbal boundary is a physical contact. Some women like to be tied up, but only by their wrists. Others like to be completely restrained. It’s all a matter of preference, but don’t just assume that when someone says they enjoy rope play, that they want you to lash them to the bed and have your way. Everything is about consent.