Once you meet a woman who’s interested to take part in some hot BDSM with you, you’ll want to figure out a scene. A scene is basically a scenario where you act out kinks. For example, if you have a woman who’s interested in spanking, a basic scene might be that you roleplay a figure of authority who has to punish a girl who’s been “naughty.” You take her over your knee and spank her.
Here’s the thing, clarify what the details are. How hard does she want to be spanked? What’s her pain threshold? Does she want to be naked or not? Is she into you being fully dressed or naked? All of these questions are very important in order to have a good experience, so you should answer them before you get down to BDSM business.
Hard limits are acts that someone refuses to do and doesn’t want to. For example, if someone has a hard limit about being called a slut, that means that person will never, ever enjoy or allow that component during play. Hard limits are something to take note of, because it’s basically the bottom line of what’s not okay during a scene with someone. You can ask your partner up front what their hard limits are, because it’s a good thing for everyone to know.
Laying Out Kinks
The fun part is deciding what you want to do. If it’s something more basic, like spanking, you can clarify how you want it to happen, based on positioning, clothing status, the verbal tone, and other things. However, if it’s a bit more complex and contains more than one kink, make very sure you fully understand what’s going on. Never assume that one type of kink automatically goes with another – that’s one of the biggest mistakes that newbie’s make. For example, just because a woman asks you to put a collar and leash on her, doesn’t mean she wants you to call her names. Even though some kinks seem to logically be associated with other qualities, that assumption couldn’t be further from the truth in the BDSM scene.
Setting a Safe Word
You can take a woman over your knee and spank her because she’s pleased by it, and she may get off on begging you to stop. The key is to listen for her to say “rooster” if that’s the safe word, at which point you must cease and desist immediately.