When you’re trying to create a profile on an alternative dating site that caters to kinksters, it’s a lot different than a regular dating site where you’re looking for a date, or even just a hookup. These types of sites aren’t about that – they’re there to help like-minded people connect who are interested in the BDSM scene. Everyone is looking for something different, and there’s an entirely different language and style of describing what you’re looking for and what your interests are.
There are similarities – you might still list your favorite music – but you’re also going to be listing boundaries, kinks, gender preferences, gender pronouns, and the different degrees of relationships that you’re comfortable with. Before trying to fill out your first kinkster dating site profile, let us give you a little guidance.
Choosing the Right Site for You
The first thing you need to do, of course, is to choose the right type of dating site. Some sites cater more specifically to heterosexual bondage aficionados, while others focus in on the queer scene. The best way to start is to read reviews of which sites work and which ones don’t, or at the very least, what kind of crowd they cater to Some sites are also come one, come all, and those are fine. You can make a profile without any information in it and check out who’s on the site before investing the time in filling out a full profile for yourself.
The Importance of Specificity
When you fill out your profile, some of the questions might look familiar – favorite music, personal interests, relationship status. But then, you’ll see that relationship status isn’t just three or four options. There are basically as many descriptions as you can conjure up. People will list themselves as playmates, have a primary, in an open relationship, polyamorous, or any other assortment of terms. A common term in the BDSM scene is the word “primary.” A primary partner usually means that the person in question may very well play with others – “play,” meaning kinky games, or whatever their profile specifies – but they aren’t looking for a serious relationship with anyone. An open relationship is a bit more ambiguous, which brings us to one of the most important parts of formulating and understanding alternative dating – read the details. A major backbone of the BDSM scene is setting boundaries and respecting them. If a woman’s profile says she’s not interested in whips, then you can be rest assured that she is absolutely not looking for that, and if you bring it up, you’re going to become unpopular very quickly.
Keep all of this in mind when you fill out your profile. You can also state openly that you’re new to the scene, and list a few kinks you’re interested in exploring. Specify who you want to play with – only women, for example – and what role you think you’re interested in. If you know you’re not into subbing for someone, or taking the submissive role, say so. Just be honest – that’s what the scene is all about.